then I realized..

I have no idea what I want to do with my life. And that doesn’t scare me.

I don’t think uncertainty has ever stressed me out. In fact, certainty and routine freak me out. The last 4 months have been rough not because of my break-up or the stresses of daily life, but it’s the thought of being trapped here. My lease and school keep me in NYC, and I feel like I’m suffocating. That’s why I want to travel so badly; because it’s the part of my life that gives me freedom to explore, to escape, to learn about the rest of the world. I don’t want to read about different cultures; I want to live it. I don’t want to watch YouTube videos; I want to see it with my own eyes. I don’t want to see pictures of food; I want to taste it.

I’m quitting my job in June to be a camp counselor for 2 months in NJ (WOOT WOOT). Then, I come back to the city and start my 2nd year of graduate school, a little behind my cohort because I won’t be taking those 2 required summer courses. That messes up my timeline to graduate in the summer of 2016, but so what? I’ll make up the classes another way, or I just won’t graduate until winter 2016 or spring 2017. Life’s too short not to do what you love.

This entry made no sense. It’s because I’m trying to write a paper, and it’s just not happening. Also, my soul is sad, and I can’t figure out why.