I am beginning to wrestle with and process the fact that I may not leave my job in the next couple of months, that I may not be able to work at camp, that I may not get into the Peace Corps, that God might call me into ministry. And that’s okay (except the ministry one; that one’s just scary and suppressed in the back of my mind) because despite my love for travel and exploring, I don’t need to leave the city to find adventure or to hear God’s voice. Everything I want to find abroad, I can find at home. God found me when I was living elsewhere, but God also found me in NYC. Some days are just bland because I’m not looking hard enough for His beauty in the ordinary. I keep thinking that I will find the extraordinary elsewhere when in reality, the extra is already in the ordinary of my everyday life. It’s in my morning commute, my grocery shopping, my bodega runs. I just have to open my eyes to these moments because God speaks in the ordinary as well as the extraordinary.
My soul also is greatly troubled.
But you, O Lord—how long?