Today, we hiked to Island Pond in Harriman, and despite it not measuring it up to Yosemite (I don’t think anything on this coast can), it was a wonderful day to get out of the city and just enjoy “spring” and nature. I didn’t get much time to pray and journal, which I regret right now because I can feel life beginning to overwhelm me again.
3 But you, O Lord, are a shield about me,
my glory, and the lifter of my head.
4 I cried aloud to the Lord,
and He answered me from His holy hill.
5 I lay down and slept;
I woke again, for the Lord sustained me.
6 I will not be afraid of many thousands of people
who have set themselves against me all around.
We are loved, and He will answer when we call to Him for help. But will I remember this when I begin to waiver? To question His plan for me? Will I remember to rest in Him and know He will sustain me? Because I forget so often. I forget that everything He wants for me is so much better than I can ever conceive, and right now, I am jealous. I want what everyone has – a normal life; but I only want it because I feel like a black sheep. I don’t belong because I don’t think like those in my community, and I’m so tired of being afraid of judgment. Most of all, I’m afraid of what I would do when I cannot express how I feel because that is the most frustrating part about challenging injustice.
I am thankful for these guys, who are still my friends and accept me as I am despite my many flaws. (: