Before actually arriving in St. Louis, Satan was already creating doubt and anxiety in me. The day before leaving, I felt depressed and unmotivated; I just wanted to sleep the one week I have off from work. En route to LaGuardia Airport, a sense of fear and anxiety overwhelmed me. “What if nothing happens at Urbana? What if God doesn’t speak to me? What if God calls me to stay when I want to go? What if…?” I asked my small group leader. His answer? “That’s crazy talk, child!” He was right. Why am I doubting a God who has shown me miracles? Why am I doubting a God who has surprised me time and time again His power and creativity? Why wouldn’t He be at Urbana? Why wouldn’t anything happen?
Urbana reminded me my identity in Christ and who I am as His precious daughter. Somehow along the way, I lost the vision of God’s plan for His creation and me. I forgot that:
- even Jesus depended on the Holy Spirit to do the task God called Him to do (exposition 27 pm)
- we must first deal with our sins and allow Him to change us before we can go and do (exposition 28 am)
- we are called to model the cross and sacrifice for others (seminar 28)
- Jesus is worthy of all our trust, plans and dreams, and affections (exposition 28 pm)
- we cannot go on living as though He is irrelevant (exposition 29 am)
- God’s dream is real and possible (seminar 29)
- community is designed by the Creator (seminar 29)
I forgot what it meant to have a loving Father whose love outweighs, outmasses, and outruns us (seminar 30 am). I forgot what it felt like to waste time with God. I forgot that being a radical Christian is a norm. I forgot that God knows all of us by name, that nothing we do is a surprise to Him. I forgot that our first response is to pray, and that history belongs to the intercessors. I forgot that He is the Lord of the nations, and no nation is out of His and our reach through prayer. I forgot that His love is sufficient enough.